My Mum was horrified once I confirmed her my newly acquired Ending Contact Facial Hair Remover.
“You’ll be able to’t shave your face!” she cried. “Why can’t you simply use nail scissors like everybody else?”
Pause for impact.
Can we please get a present of fingers from anybody – anybody in any respect – who makes use of a pair of nail scissors to remain on high of their facial hair? I believed not. She couldn’t have picked a extra impractical device. It’s like going to battle brandishing a chainsaw – there’s extra likelihood of maiming your self than profitable the combat.
“I simply maintain the scissors like this,” she mentioned, her head again and her chin thrown excessive, “and snip as near the foundation of the hair as I can.”
“You’ll be able to’t even see the place you’re snipping,” I mentioned, ‘you’ll find yourself chopping off one thing essential!”
“Effectively I exploit a mirror, clearly.”
Mum’s snipping technique is flawed in some ways: firstly the danger of harm is excessive, even with the usage of a mirror. Maybe particularly with the usage of a mirror, as a result of everyone knows how even the best of duties turns into unattainable when you’re relying in your reflection to information you.
Then there’s the truth that you’re not even attending to the foundation of the issue, simply chopping off the seen half. It’s a bit like weeding by pulling off the highest bits. Does my Mum go across the backyard strimming over the dandelions? No she doesn’t. She goes about on her knees, pulling the entire thing out.
And eventually (although I can in all probability consider many extra issues with the scissor technique), how bloody lengthy should it take to de-hair a median chin and moustache space? Days! I’d be tempted to open out the scissor blades and slide them alongside my pores and skin for velocity’s sake, old style cut-throat razor fashion.
“God I don’t do my whole face!” mentioned my Mum. “You simply do the longest hairs, you daft factor. Those which can be a number of centimetres or very darkish.”
Because of this we have now completely different removing strategies, then: perspective in direction of facial hair. Mum: proud of the same old facial fuzz. The stuff that we’ve all had, in all probability from a younger age, however that 4K HD TV and hi-res telephone cameras have step by step made me hyper-aware of. She solely irks on the longest, blackest of hairs – the remaining is simply thought-about regular, like having eyes, or legs.
“You wouldn’t shave these off.”
My downside is that I have a look at my face intimately practically each single day. It’s a part of my job. I ought to disclose right here that I’m not a very furry particular person and my colouring is kind of truthful, however as a result of I check make-up and skincare I do spend a number of time observing zoomed-in images and movies of myself. And when it’s not images and movies it’s the bloody magnifying mirror, aka The Portal of Doom, checking whether or not or not a brand new basis that I’m testing has crept into high-quality traces or migrated into the oilier patches. And so not solely do I see the longest and blackest of hairs (although mine are usually white, like Father Christmas) I additionally see the plush thackets of peach fuzz, so dense they’re like velvet.
I left the peach fuzz for some time as a result of it did look like overkill to start out taking that off; I plucked on the longer hairs with my tweezers (positively my advice over nail scissors) and I ignored the fuzz. However then I began plucking the marginally longer bits of fuzz in addition to the hairs, particularly within the facet tache space, and earlier than I knew it I used to be plucking all of the peach fuzz out with my tweezers. It was taking ages and was really fairly painful after some time….
…therefore the brand new Ending Contact shaver. I haven’t really charged it as much as attempt but, such was the ferocity of my mom’s response to it. I feel she has visions of me doing a full shave routine, utilizing a type of badger brushes to lather my face up, leaning in in direction of the mirror like Determined Dan. White vest, gun belt slung over the towel rail, ten gallon hat resting on the shelf above the sink.
However I’ve began with the mass-tweezing and so now there isn’t a retreat. The moustache hairs come again barely sharper, in order that if you’re watching TV yow will discover your self stroking your stubble – for that’s what it’s – properly, like an previous sage about to make a pertinent assertion.
The one method ahead is to proceed with the overall eradication approach – however with my new shaver it is going to be like (hopefully) utilizing a lawnmower quite than a pair of long-handled secateurs. Speedy. Environment friendly. Painless.
I’ll preserve you all up to date, if solely to horrify my Mum.
The Flawless Contact gadget is on-line here (ad-affiliate hyperlink) and prices £29.99. I’ve to say, it feels very mild and cheaply-made, for the worth, however since writing the above I’ve examined it correctly and it really works effectively. When you have different ideas then let me know!